Do we wipe up, down or sideways? Where do we place our fingers? How do we decide the length of tissue we need? Is technique for loose stool different than for hard stool? How do we turn off loose stool? Which hand do we use? Somebody had to teach us what to do, didn't they? Was it Mom? Surely Dad would never take on this task. And I know the baby sitter would never get her hands "dirty" with this. So, what's all this fuss? It's not rocket science, or even sci-fi. Just a little learnin' the hard way. By experience, I guess. The fool's best teacher. Is it OK to get help with this necessity when you have neuropathy of the fingers? Is it better to use recycled paper? Which leaves are best to use if caught in the forest without paper? How many layers of double strength tissue does it take to make a clean wipe? If your finger gets a little messy, what would "Dear Abby's" advice be? Do you wash your hands before you touch the flush handle, or wait until after you turn on the water in the lavatory and get crud all over it? How many turds does it take to fill the commode? If your scrotum hangs down into the water, do you need a sit'n down bath or a sitz bath - or is it OK to wipe it with TP? What do you do if you have a hangnail on a wiping finger? Why do we smell our fingers after wiping? How do we pick our nose cleanly after wiping poorly? How do we gag ourselves if we make a dirty wipe? What is the best way to get rid of the toilet aroma? All I know for sure is... Shit is as shit was as shit will be forever. Phew! ... etc.